LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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