I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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