Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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