You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
