im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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