if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
