Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
