During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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