She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
