i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize