HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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