OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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