I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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