Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
