can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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