he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
