CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
