fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
