Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
