Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
