So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
