dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
