Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you would pick up someone in the library
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
