Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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