Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
