I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
