I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
