Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
