why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize