i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
