Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
