Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
