if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
