I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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