Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ok first of all what the fuck
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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