Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
