I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you had me at cake vodka
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
