definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sober January is a disaster.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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