I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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