wanna go halves on a baby?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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