my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
