There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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