Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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