i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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