Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
