Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
