I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize