she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
