what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
