i will never coherently bang her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
