wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
