Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
