i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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