I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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