I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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