We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
