the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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