if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
