All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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