I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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