Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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