Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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