what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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