I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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