I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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