Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex on a dog bed..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i believe in u and ur pee
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize