I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
