So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
