I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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