Betty ford says i'm here all night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
