Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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