i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were trust falling into bushes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
