All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
