**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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