Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
