I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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