I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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