Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
