never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
