she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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