With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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