YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize