Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
