Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
