I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A+ Viking dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize