you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
