I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
