Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
