ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
