All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
